2016 Movies, Ranked

A work in progress. Totally subjective.
  1. 1.
    Moonlight
    Worthy of all the praise. It paints a perfect picture of a man's soul.
  2. 2.
    La La Land
    Emma Stone is charming me against my will and I feel helpless and afraid. It was really tough to choose between this and Moonlight; they're both great, but in very different ways.
  3. 3.
    Hail, Caesar!
    An excellent, underrated comedy from the Coen brothers, and their best since O Brother, Where Art Thou. As always with the Coens, there is a keen sense of time and place, which in this case is Hollywood in 1951 — though the story draws in threads from all around the era, including the all-powerful studio system, sword-and-sandal epics, pinup girls, the communist scare, singing cowboys, and the atomic bomb.
  4. 4.
    Moana
    I'm not particularly into Disney animated films, so you'll know that it means something when I say that this movie is goddammed delightful.
  5. 5.
    Silence
    For the hard core.
  6. 6.
    Arrival
    It took me a while to get into it, but it definitely delivered in the end. A shoo-in for best screenplay? I would rank it higher, but I don't think it's a movie I would watch a second time.
  7. 7.
    Deadpool
    Seriously. There's no shortage of offensive, juvenile movies in the world, but this one is so anarchistic and perverted that it throws in stuff that would even alienate a teenage boy — and that, my friends, is a masterpiece of subversion.
  8. 8.
    Swiss Army Man
    Who knew the farting corpse movie would be so emotionally draining? It's not something I would recommend to just anyone, but it's so effed up and ballsy and bonkers that I have to give it credit.
  9. 9.
    The Nice Guys
    Just a wacky buddy pic, but what it does, it does extremely well.
  10. 10.
    Manchester by the Sea
    A moving and beautifully acted story about the lives of ordinary people. Michelle Williams is as heartbreaking as advertised.
  11. 11.
    10 Cloverfield Lane
    A tense thriller that really draws you in. I know that some people were put off by the ending, but did you not see "Cloverfield" in the title?
  12. 12.
    Don't Breathe
    Great low-budget horror, though there were a couple of moments that I'd like to un-see.
  13. 13.
    Eat That Question
    Frank Zappa documentary.
  14. 14.
    The Handmaiden
    A twisty & erotic tale of deception. All of the men in the movie are really awful, though. Also, it turned out to be a little TOO erotic to see in a movie theater: On the Dangers of Going to the Movies Without Reading a Review First [EXPLICIT]
  15. 15.
    Zootopia
    Entertaining.
  16. 16.
    Keanu
    Pretty funny, actually.
  17. 17.
    Rogue One
    I was pretty surprised that I didn't enjoy this more. It felt like a mix of Saving Private Ryan and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.
  18. 18.
    Star Trek Beyond
    They tried to make every character seem important, which, oddly enough, made none of them seem important. The best part of the movie was in the soundtrack.
  19. 19.
    Finding Dory
    It felt like one long, nonsensical chase scene with recycled bits of Finding Nemo mixed in. I also had some more specific issues: My Fussy Little Problems with "Finding Dory"
  20. 20.
    Sully
  21. 21.
    Ghostbusters
    Funny women, lackluster script and production. For a movie that mentions New York as often as it does, it is super not in New York.
  22. 22.
    The Angry Birds Movie
    Noteworthy in that it contains the longest piss-related scene I've ever seen in a children's movie.
  23. 23.
    Zoolander 2
    Like watching a drunk friend trying to ride a unicycle: undignified and painful, but also occasionally legitimately funny.
  24. 24.
    Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
    Supposed to be a mash-up of two different genres, but it felt like watching two separate movies. I do like that Lily James, though.
  25. 25.
    American Honey
    Late entry, I only just saw this one. Not an easy watch, but a powerful one. Still thinking about where to slot it in, but I think it will crack the top 10. Female director, by the way.