2017 Calendars I'd Like to Have
Last year I had the awesome Apple Cabin Foods calendar hanging by my desk at work, and it brought me much happiness and delight. Nothing will ever quite replace that treasure, but maybe these imaginary calendars would come close.
- •Classic Stars of Ukrainian Professional WrestlingThe beardier the better.
- •Bettie Page wearing everyday clothes and doing her taxesEvery single month is her sitting at a desk and looking thoughtfully at a ledger.
- •Abandoned Motels of West VirginiaThe perfect blend of banality and WTF.
- •Famous Yacht DisastersI don't even care if it's just the empty patches of ocean where the boat sank.
- •Barn Raisings the Amish Wayis there any other way
- •Puppets of YesteryearThe key is to disturb my coworkers, but not so much that they call the police.
- •Famous eBay Cries for Help"For sale: childhood teddy bear. It used to mean a lot to me, but you know what, I'm giving up. Probably no one wants it, just like my parents never wanted me. Whatever, life is garbage. From smoke-free house."
- •Twelve Months of HussiesThese would be pictures of completely ordinary women doing office work, but there would be other women walking by or peeking over the cubicle wall and staring at them with sour, disapproving looks.
- •Pictures of kittens in border patrol uniforms detaining undocumented ducklings wearing tiny sombreros.Offensive but adorable. I just want to see if anyone notices.
- •Never forget