How to Be a Lady

Dropping some knowledge so buckle up.
  1. Always curtsy when addressed by the commodore
  2. When baking a cake, do not put your head in the bowl to lick the batter. Use a spoon to BRING the batter to YOU.
  3. Always bring a parasol when promenading to keep your skin soft and shiny and to hide behind if you see someone to whom you owe money.
  4. If you must dance on a bar when in high spirits, be sure to wear proper attire so the gentlemen cannot look at your glitter zone for free.
  5. Foul language is not to be used unless you're in traffic and some skank is just sitting there like you got all day.
    bitch I do NOT
  6. Do not put lotion on a stranger without asking permission, no matter how dry her skin looks.
  7. No farting in church.