How to Get a Cool Nickname
in just eleven easy steps
- •Get new job or enroll in new school.
- •Tell no one your real name; when they ask, just shrug your shoulders like you're over it and walk away.
- •Get a T-shirt with the word "BUTTERSCOTCH" on it, wear it all the time.
- •Accentuate your mystique by going to happy hours/house parties, getting seen, then leaving before anyone can introduce themselves to you.
- •After every lunch, make a big deal out of pouring lots of butterscotch onto your ice cream. Just make it disgusting with butterscotch.
- •Have anonymous one-night stands with coworkers/fellow students to spread your brand; if partner asks your name afterwards, give him/her a sultry look and say "It's hotter not knowing." Also, try to work butterscotch into the sex.
- •Remember the shirt? Keep riding that horse hard.
- •At concerts/sporting events, lap butterscotch straight out of the jar like an animal.
- •Keep it up for nine months. Don't get diabetes.
- •Congratulations! Enjoy your new nickname, "Psycho Freak".