I Don't Know What "Kissing Balls" Are and I'm Kinda Afraid to Google It

  1. Paying for my Christmas tree at the local nursery, I saw a sign behind the counter that advertised for sale wreaths, ornaments and "kissing balls".
  2. Now, I feel like I'm an old pro at Christmas, but I have to admit that I've never heard of "kissing balls" before. Presumably one hangs them as a decorative element on their property or premises?
  3. See? But there were no pictures on their website.
  4. I had to snicker a little to myself, of course, and then I wondered how often the lady behind the counter had had to listen to man-children elbowing their wives in the ribs and making jokes.
    "Hey, look at that, honey, KISSING BALLS! Did you see the KISSING BALLS? I don't know how much they're charging, but I promise you can use mine for less."
  5. No, she's beyond that, I thought. This shopkeeper has seen so much of this that she can now pinpoint the PRECISE MOMENT that someone's eyes land on the sign and a flicker of a smirk crosses their lips.
  6. But what the hell are they? And why would anyone even for a second think that people aren't going to make a connection with a gentleman's personal area?
  7. My life has become filled with quandary.
  8. So anyway somebody please deliver me from confusion and explain kissing balls to me.
    Or just make something up, I won't know the difference.