I Like My Women How I Like My Coffee:

Inspired by @PeteOnEarth and only because everyone else is doing it. Also, I like my lists like I like my tattoos: trendy, attention-getting, and the result of poor judgment.
  1. Handed to me across a counter and marked with my name.
    Already infuriating.
  2. Sugary, rich, and bad for my heart.
    Your contempt is appropriate.
  3. Spilled onto my lap while I'm driving.
    Dammit, I'm just trash now.
  4. Respected, loved, and an important part of the global economy.
    Turning it around.
  5. Not angry at me.
    Technically true, I would be terrified of a beverage with the capacity for human emotion.
  6. It's all lies, I don't actually drink coffee.