On the Dangers of Going to the Movies Without Reading a Review First [EXPLICIT]

My friend from work, Nyan, recommended a foreign film to me, and, being the impetuous sort, I went off to the movie theater without reading anything about it. WARNING: CONTAINS ADULT MATERIAL.
  1. *lights dim, popcorn munching is heard*
  2. Hmm, pretty good so far. I like it.
  3. I'm getting a kind of a lesbian vibe from these two characters.
  4. Ha! Called it.
  5. Lucky for me I'm a mature adult who isn't fazed by these sorts of carryings-on.
    I'm just here for the story.
  6. Oh, OK, this is getting hot and heavy now.
  7. 😳
  8. Dammit, my leg itches but I don't dare move because everyone will think I'm rearranging myself because I have a … situation. But I don't! Seriously! I just have an itchy leg!
  9. Whew, glad that bit is over. I mean, it's all cool, but, you know, awkward to watch that with a group of strangers.
  10. OH MY GOD THANK GOD I DIDN'T INVITE MY MOM
    It would have been Reservoir Dogs all over again.
  11. Hum de doo.
  12. Uh oh, here they go again.
  13. Boy, these lesbians sure like their lesbian sex.
  14. Well, this is … explicit.
  15. 😳
  16. Great, I'm a guy all on his own, everyone is going to think I just came here to ogle the lesbians. They all probably think I'm a huge creep! But I didn't know!
  17. ALL THESE PEOPLE THINK I'M A PERVERT.
  18. *Dead silence; one person in audience coughs and shifts, ENTIRE AUDIENCE coughs and shifts*
  19. Maybe I should just stand up and explain. "I didn't know it was a hot movie! I didn't read the review! I thought it was just a regular foreign film!"
  20. Actually, maybe now is not a good time to stand up.
    😳
  21. Dammit Nyan.
  22. Damn you you bastard.
  23. This is not cool.
  24. Well, I did tell him to watch Blue Velvet, so maybe we're even.