The Next Five Things I'll Watch

I'm holding out for these televisual events, I don't care how long it takes.
  1. Breakin' 3: Urban Ecstasy
    I assume they've been fine-tuning this script since 1985 and it is a DOOZY.
  2. Gravity's Rainbow: The Musical
    🎶 You never did the Kenosha Kid / On old, Broad, waaaaaay 🎵
  3. Let's Go Fishing with Alicia Vikander
    This would just be a fishing show hosted by Alicia Vikander. I think that would be very relaxing.
  4. House Hunters: Haunted Castle Edition
    This would be a show in which super-wealthy jerks buy Old World castles only to discover that Lady Fortescue's maidservant was tortured to death in the wine cellar and her restless spirit shrieks madly in your ear every night just as you're falling asleep.
  5. Donald Trump Impeachment Ceremony and Fun-time Jamboree
    I assume there will be parades.