Inspired by @Boogie. If you meet a person who looks like me but fits the description below, it's not Joe Gola but my twin brother Vladimir, and you may approach with no caution.
  1. …he calls you on the phone just to chat and catch up.
    that's not me, I would have just texted you a photograph of a burrito
  2. …he hugs you hello/goodbye.
    have you heard of these new things called boundaries Vladimir maybe you should look into that
  3. …he is enthusiastic about going to parties.
    that's so Vladimir
  4. …he's in an actual store shopping for clothes.
    I'm not picking out my pants in front of a bunch of strangers like some sort of carnival sideshow
  5. … he chooses a salty snack over a sugary one.
    I don't understand people like this, to be honest
  6. …he is able to drive for longer than a half hour without making any wrong turns.
    this is beyond my powers, apparently
  7. …he's wearing a bow tie.
    clearly an impostor, just open fire