MORTIFYING THINGS I DID TO MY SISTER WHEN WE WERE LITTLE
Backstory - we are 6 1/2 years apart and we shared a room so it got ugly. For all of these examples I am between the ages of 4-8 approx and she is a teenager. Roughly in chronological order.
- •Yelled "My vagina stings!" when coming out of the ocean when my sister had just made new friends at the beach.
- •Cut her porcelain dolls's dresses into tiny squares. All of them.
- •Played an entire game of Battleship against her without setting up ANY of my boats on the board.
- •Ate the candy my mom got her the night before she was getting braces.
- •Yelled "Lauren your bra strap is showing!" across the dance floor when I went with my parents to pick her up at a Bat Mitzvah.
- •Yelled "Lauren there are your friends!" when we saw her friends on the street, ones she was specifically trying to avoid.
- •Yelled "see Lauren it IS Woody Allen & Diane Keaton!" the exact moment they passed by us on the street.Which caused my sister to whirl around and slap me in the face. Which caused Diane Keaton to give my sister a dirty look. And my Aunt Barbara to rip her a new one. I was thrilled about all of this, especially about being right re: Woody & Diane.