THINGS I'VE STOLEN

  1. 7 years old: A pack of Juicy Fruit gum from what was then Sloan's supermarket on 92nd St and Lexington Ave
    I confessed to my mom 5 minutes later as we entered our building and she made me walk back and return it.
  2. 9 years old: A Kit Kat wrapper from Jackie Fuld
    There was some contest where you tried to collect all different ones, the empty wrappers! I confessed to my mom when I got home from the playdate. I called Jackie and apologized and brought it to her the next day at school.
  3. A lifetime as an accomplice in Uncle Eddie-ing
    This is named after my dad's uncle: it's when you take the bread or rolls you didn't eat from a restaurant home with you. (Would apply to the Nana on Friends who took all the Sweet'N Lows as another example?). My family still does this. Fuck the no carb culture.