10 THINGS MORE SUSPICIOUS THAN AHMED’S CLOCK THAT IRVING, TEXAS POLICE SHOULD BE INVESTIGATING

  1. 1.
    Those “Grand Opening” signs that stay up in front of businesses for months, even years.
  2. 2.
    John Boehner's tan. It even has its own Twitter feed.
  3. 3.
    Half price sushi.
  4. 4.
    Beards covering weak chins on 22 year olds.
  5. 5.
    This roof.
  6. 6.
    Boxes of condoms from the 99 Cents Only Store (what was I thinking?)
  7. 7.
    People who turn to astrology to make life decisions.
  8. 8.
    Mr. Darcy. I don’t care what you say, that fool be highly and most duplicitous in my book.
  9. 9.
    My cats' meowing, telling me they need to be fed...10 minutes after my wife fed them.
  10. 10.
    Any of these candidates I’m watching during the circus known as the Republican presidential debate. Shay-deeee.