A LIFELONG LIST OF REGRETS

  1. 1.
    That last bite of spaghetti bolognese I left uneaten October 23, 2003 after convincing myself I was full. Always listen to the stomach, never the brain when it comes to pasta…your reptilian instinct knows better. #102303neverforget
  2. 2.
    Signing up for that high interest credit card my freshman year of college, all for a t-shirt. It was a pretty sweet t-shirt though, never mind the spiral of debt it resulted in.
  3. 3.
    Using the flash on my camera inside that truck stop bathroom in rural China. I have seen the face of hell itself and it looks like Dick Cheney after a no-hands chili eating contest.
  4. 4.
    Twirling my jacket overhead while yelling, “Let’s boogie”…with a ceiling fan operating overhead. We did not boogie.
  5. 5.
    Failing to flip every egg in a carton, every carton, before purchasing.
  6. 6.
    Taking that corner at 80mph on a rainy day. Mario Kart ain't no joke.
  7. 7.
    Not participating in regretfully risky sexual multi-partner activity under the influence of narcotics before marrying. But damn, my Netflix queue is pretty sweet.
  8. 8.
    Never becoming a dot.com trillionaire the first time around.
  9. 9.
    Allowing myself to turn 40. Why the fuck did I go and do that?
  10. 10.
    Not getting into fisticuffs with a drunken movie goer who kept talking during a midnight screening of Pretty In Pink after politely asking him to “shut the fuck up”. Common sense kicked in when I asked him to step outside and the whole first row of his friends stood up. My inner Bruce Lee gave way to my inner Usain Bolt.