I'm perfectly fine, but hardly perfect, as illustrated by these regular habits, tics, and behavioral issues.
  1. Telling myself "just 5 more minutes and I can go to the bathroom" while working...45 minutes after the first time I told myself the same thing.
  2. Forgoing trimmer or scissors and just plucking nose hairs by hand. But I'm now quite fluent in speaking in tongues and other lost languages.
  3. Reading YouTube comments. I always feel the itch of an inner Colonel Kurtz emerging with a hankering for The Doors, within 30 seconds of delving into threaded comments.
  4. Pretending the floor is one giant laundry hamper. I'm otherwise a saint of cleanliness and orderly behavior, but can't seem to put away clothes except for once a week when the threat of an indoor compost pile compels action.
  5. Intentionally forgetting I'm lactose intolerant. Because cheese and ice cream are worth risking your marriage over.
  6. Promising my wife "It's just one more mile" while we're hiking. On the plus side our backsides always look better after several of those "one more" miles. This is the hiker's version of "I promise, just the tip."
  7. Puns and dad humor. Born to be dad...dad to the bone.
  8. Occasionally I like to intentionally speed up or slow down to box in an aggressive driver while acting like I'm oblivious to the road rage erupting behind or besides me. It's like interactive performance art.
  9. Considering all scabs, moles, and errant hairs as enemies of the state. They must be immediately peeled, poked, or prodded...then offered as a surprise gift to the wife.
  10. Nail biting. A lifetime of fingers that look like the "before" pics for an infomercial.