Things at Which I Am Terrible

Or the things @dev has to put up with on the regular
  1. Responding to texts or emails
    It's not that I'm ignoring you. It's that I want to not rush through my reply because I take you seriously and think you deserve a thoughtful response! And then I just forget.
  2. Taking care of myself
    If left to my own devices, I would barely eat and then eat only pasta, pizza and indian food. I would never drink water, just diet coke, wine and bourbon. I would never move, just be in a Pinterest spiral with Arrested Development playing on loop in the background. #slothlife4life
  3. Paying bills
    Opening mail with my name on it? No thank you.
  4. Small talk
    I can't prove this one but I FEEL terrible at it. Who cares about the weather I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS.
  5. Being opaque
    @dev and @laurensavoy will attest that I wear my emotions on my face more than should be physically possible. I am not aware it is happening. Just take comfort that if I am frowning at you I am probably just thinking about the idea of having to move or eat fruits.
  6. Knowing how much money is in my checking account
    If I don't see it I don't have to deal with it.
  7. Feeling confident without makeup on
    Without makeup I feel like I look like a sickly, burnout waif with a sad story to tell who's learning how to make it on the streets the hard way.
  8. Exercising
    Ugghhhh why I don't want to.