What I Do After I Learn I Got the Job...

  1. Make out hardcore with my spouse.
  2. Drink the celebratory cocktail he's made.
  3. Call my madre, @heidigross
  4. Call my padre-in-law, @fats. Kibitz about the singularity. Reference his aluminum hat.
  5. Do some serious dancing in little more than long johns. Attempt to make Nicki Minaj proud. Shame Nicki Minaj.
  6. More making out.
  7. Accept my genetically small ass means I will always be a disappointment to Nicki Minaj. Try not to take it personally.
  8. Hang with my agent, gossip, drink too much, start accidentally referring to job as West Wing.
  9. Go to sleep before 11, feeling very tickled.