HOW I KNOW THAT I AM NOT YET READY FOR CHILDREN 👶

  1. I would rather eat a slab of raw meat than listen to a baby cry
    I've been a vegetarian for 5 years
  2. If I had multiple children, I would definitely have a favorite
    Although, I believe that every parent probably does anyway. I don't buy into that whole "we love you all the same" bull shit. (probably because I'm definitely my parents favorite)
  3. The words "I don't know how I'll ever love a child more than I love my dog" leave my mouth probably more frequently than they should
    In my defense my yellow is one of the most lovable creatures on the planet. But seriously, look at that little face 😍
  4. I really don't know how to talk to children
    We have nothing in common because they're too young to drink vodka.
  5. I get annoyed at how obsessed everyone is with them
    But Why? They can't even talk....
  6. Because I can barely afford to keep myself alive, let alone another human
  7. Because I enjoy my freedom too much
    Your life as you know it ends the day you have a child
  8. I often refer to children as parasites
    Both in and out of the womb 👾
  9. I don't think I'll ever be ready for childbirth
    Because it's gross. And the vanus is a real thing.