REASONS TO JUSTIFY MY HIGH VODKA CONSUMPTION

There are some people (Mom and Dad) who seem to be obsessed with my vodka consumption. This is how I justify it all.
  1. 1.
    Because I work an extremely boring job
    No job has ever made me yearn for a nice vodka soda at 9 a.m. like this one has. With other jobs I've had, that desire doesn't pop up until around 10 or 11 in the morning.
  2. 2.
    Because I'm a Political Science major with a double minor in English and Law, Policy, and Society
    These three areas of study require a ridiculous amount of research papers that are 20+ pages. If that's not reason enough to rip a few shots to get through a day of classes, keep in mind that I absolutely DESPISE Political Science.
  3. 3.
    Because I'm studying for my LSATs
    That is all. No additional comment for this one.
  4. 4.
    Because I have the world's worst subletters.
    Picture the worst person you can think of and then multiply that by ten and then imagine that that person smokes an absurd amount of weed and apparently has no idea how to clean a dish and you've maybe successfully been able to imagine who I'm currently living with. It is necessary that I stay drunk in order to keep my sanity and my criminal record clean.
  5. 5.
    Because I'm a college student
    When in Rome.....
  6. 6.
    Because vodka is the nectar of the gods
    Dark liquor can kick rocks ✌🏼
  7. 7.
    Because I am much more pleasant to be around after a few drinks
    My tolerance for the otherwise intolerable goes up astronomically ❤️
  8. 8.
    Because I need an excuse to eat Chinese food and pizza at 3 a.m.
    And drunk calories don't count, right....?
  9. 9.
    Because I'm gluten intolerant
    That means beer (and casual drinking) are out.
  10. 10.
    Because sometimes wine just doesn't cut it
    Vodka doesn't make me sleepy like wine makes me sleepy. I drink vodka so that I don't bore everyone. How selfless of me!!
  11. 11.
    Because I really, really enjoy drinking vodka
    👯💁🏼