THINGS BRUNO MARS DID *NOT* SAY HE'D DO FOR YA

Years ago, we spent an evening drinking hot toddies in the library of a fancy hotel. "Grenade" played on outdoor speakers as we ventured into the winter night. Someone sang something silly, and someone else sang something sillier, and that was enough. We shouted new lyrics at the top of our lungs until laughter and cold robbed us of breath.
  1. Drink a milkshake for ya.
  2. Buy a new garden rake for ya.
  3. Throw a clambake for ya.
  4. Watch "Big Brother Jake" with ya.
  5. Bake a three-layer cake for ya.
  6. Eat a gross, bloody steak for ya.
  7. Read "Oryx and Crake" to ya.