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Not to sound too lonely. Apologies in advance because this one is depressing.
  1. I am the only child of an only child.
  2. I grew up in a neighborhood with very few other kids.
  3. And I was a latchkey kid. Both parents worked (most years) and I would come home to an empty house. So I had to learn how to:
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Not everything has to be a paradigm shift.
  1. When I hoped I'd live long enough to see all the Lord of the Rings movies.
  2. When I hoped beyond hope that I would live long enough to see all 50 state quarters.
All done by me today. I am the worst.
  1. Before the meal, pull your shirt up and undulate your stomach. When asked why, say that you're making room.
  2. Talk about fantasy football as soon as everyone is seated.
  3. No-one is talking politics? Time to drop ISIS into a random conversation. I can't help myself.
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  1. Am I getting lazier or running out of creative ideas?
  2. Can't it be both?
It's the most wonderfuuul time of the year.
  1. Can't hear boring anecdotes over the sound of my own sneezing.
  2. Much easier to fit in my catch phrase three times a day: "Why don't you make like a tree and leaf."
  3. Autumnal equinox - 'Nuff said.
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Everybody's working for the weekend. Sigh.
  1. Get in the door and sit down. Oops, computer needs to be rebooted. Oops, I changed my password yesterday. Cycle through four different programs that don't work without manually changing the password as they pop up over top of each other.
  2. Get up and wander into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Door alarm chimes so I stop to investigate. Expecting outside clients to show up any minute.
  3. Make the pot of coffee and return to my desk. Oh look, I.T. reset our file server yesterday and all my links are broken. Send out a help desk ticket.
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We aren't coordinated people or particularly careful, and we have the medical bills to prove it. I will limit this list to three generations. @dudleyjoshua This is for you.
  1. Driving a riding lawnmower into a canal.
  2. Falling out of a tree.
  3. Cutting off their big toe with a lawnmower.
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Everyone's favorite actor.
  1. 1.
    Beastmaster - priest who performs human sacrifices on top of a burning ziggurat. What's not to love?
  2. 2.
    Dodgeball - dodge, dip, dive, duck, and dodge. Drinks his own pee 'cause he likes the taste.
  3. 3.
    Summer rental - pirate who owns a fish restaurant. Very salty role.
  4. 4.
    Freddie Got Fingered - loses all dignity and pulls his pants down in front of his son at one point yelling over and over, "Do it. Do it." I hope he got paid.
It was about bonding.
  1. Sorry - I.e. How to get your family and friends to hate you.
  2. Monopoly - no, wait. This one is how to get your family and friends to hate you.
  3. Parcheesi - when you are bored of Monopoly. Your family is gonna hate you so be warned.
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I like a good beat and foreign melody, having grown up on Greek records my dad brought home from the navy. Somehow this evolved into listening to anything and everything I can get my hands on with no preconceptions. Now people give me funny looks when they hear me listening to, among others:
  1. Music from Baghdad recorded in the 1920s.
  2. Music from the Congo involving lots of drumming and high pitched whistle blowing.
  3. Russian pop music.
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