What the Hell Happened in My Living Room?

  1. What in blazes?
  2. What are all the presents doing opened?
  3. Yes, Carol, I can see that our children opened every one of their goddamned presents at once.
  4. The question I have is who thought it was a good idea to tear open all the gifts while your dear old dad was shaving?
  5. IT WAS RHETORICAL, CAROL.
  6. Oh, you didn't think I might like to see the looks on your faces when you opened your new bike and when you opened whatever it was your mother got you?
  7. Ungrateful.
  8. No, I'm just going to drink my coffee and read the newspaper.
  9. Carol, please take my gifts upstairs.
  10. I'll open them when *I'm* good and ready.
  11. You just got me slippers, anyway.