Things I Continue to Do Because I Never Learn
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results." - Rita Mae Brown
- •Cook bacon in just my boxersIt always seems like a good idea to cook bacon and eggs just after I wake up. I end up doing it in just my boxers because that's what I slept in, but invariably the bacon sizzles and the grease pops out of the pan and onto my naked skin. At that point I either suffer the pain or burn the bacon and put a shirt on. I haven't burned a strip of bacon yet.
- •Forget poo bags when I take the dog outI typically remember about 10 paces outside of the house, but at that stage I think "I'll deal with it if she does a #2". Like clockwork, the dog will poo in the thickest grass, on a downslope of a hill, and nowhere near a usable piece of garbage. I then alert those watching that I'm not a bad dog owner who leaves poo around and that I'll be back with something to pick it up. That tends to be a plastic bag with a hole in it or a frail leaf. Either way, poo is on my hand in the end.
- •Book flights for the ass-crack of dawnI always think "it's better to fly at 7am than 9am and save $75" because, well, that 7am flight is future me's problem. As the flight approaches I realize (again) that a 7am flight involves getting up at 4:45am, out the door by 5am, at the airport at 6am for the 7am flight. I always get wherever I'm going exhausted, annoyed, and confused. That or I miss the flight.
- •Drink shotsI have yet to do a shot that made my night better. I always think "Opa! This is a great idea! Let's kick it up a notch". That's followed by a rapid deterioration of the night that ends with me stuffing my face with some shameful food and waking up the next morning feeling like death. If I went the rest of my life without another shot I would be all the better for it. Who wants shots?
- •Keep clothes that don't fitI have a fair number of cool t-shirts and shorts I wore in my 20's when I was about 20 pounds lighter. I always think "I'll wear those in a few months when I get fit again". I never get fit and every couple years when we move I'm reminded of my failure. I've resorted to giving them to my wife, which actually works out well because cool T-shirts are cooler when someone else wears them and you get to look at them. Maybe I'll add another 20 pounds so I can see my current collection of t-shirts.