FIVE WAYS TO DEFEND YOURSELF FROM A TREE ATTACK

And you thought bears were dangerous.
  1. Karate
    How much wood could a black belt chop ? This much wood. Watch out trees!
  2. Chainsaw
    This tree is getting what it deserves after a failed attack on a lumberjack.
  3. Avoid forests
    The only thing that lives in forests are evil spirits and haunted trees. Chop 'Em down!
  4. Stay focused. Don't branch off when conversing.
    This tree is about to eat these children.
  5. Keep a safe distance. A tree's bark is it's only weapon, they don't bite.