MY BAT MITZVAH CANDLE LIGHTING CEREMONY IF IT HAPPENED TODAY

This accidentally ended up being all about snacks
  1. 1.
    How many days in a row is it socially acceptable to wear my hair in a messy bun? Drybar, come light candle number one!
  2. 2.
    What even are the ingredients in Mountain Dew? Water, come light candle number two!
  3. 3.
    Is this free? Jewish parents, come light candle number three!
  4. 4.
    Your line is always out the door. Starbucks, come light candle number four!
  5. 5.
    My new favorite vegetable is endive. Burke in the Box Quinoa Salad, come light candle number five!
  6. 6.
    I really like you with Triscuits. Roasted red pepper hummus, come light candle number six!
  7. 7.
    Give this to Kevin! Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, come light candle number seven!
    KEVIN'S NOT HERE.
  8. 8.
    The new iPhone was not worth the wait. OG iPhone 5S, come light candle number eight!
  9. 9.
    Sleeping is my favorite pastime. Memory foam, come light candle number nine!
  10. 10.
    You're my version of Barbie and Ken. Beyoncé and Jay-Z, come light candle number 10!
  11. 11.
    You're funnier than that scene from The Office when a pot of chili is dropped by Kevin. Ja'mie and/or Mr. G, come light candle number 11!
  12. 12.
    Ari Gold was at his best when he yelled. Entourage season 3, come light candle number 12!
  13. 13.
    You're the Rory to my Dean. Netflix, come light candle number 13!