REASONS I'M NOT CURRENTLY SLEEPING

  1. I have control issues
    I cannot ruthlessly rethink every decision I've ever made if I'm asleep
  2. I've always dreaded bedtime
    One more day of my life is over
  3. I ate a lot of food and my belly doesn't feel right
    "Crab cake" sliders were involved
  4. I haven't really tried falling asleep
    The room is not dark. My eyes are not closed.
  5. Trying out this app
    I blame @bjnovak (how am I doing?)
  6. I don't want to