A Walk to Remember

🐕💩
  1. "Get your dog off my lawn!" The old curmudgeon yelled as he came storming out of his front door.
  2. His wife was glaring at me through the window.
    So, I smiled and waved hello. 🙂👋🏼
  3. I was taking Hendrix on his morning walk, through our neighborhood, so I didn't understand what all the fuss was about.
  4. "Didn't you hear me?!" The curmudgeon says as he gets to the edge of his yard.
    "No, I didn't hear you" I reply.
  5. "I said get your dog off my lawn!" He reminds me.
    I shrug my shoulders and point to Hendrix as I say "my dog isn't on your lawn."
  6. This is not the actual house.
    But, it looked like this, with the yard and a fence and just a little more grass before the sidewalk.
  7. Both Hendrix and I were on the sidewalk.
    We had stopped because Hendrix was sniffing around a sign he had at the edge of the grass.
  8. "Didn't you see the sign?!" He points at it and continues to explain what it means, "it says no pooping."
    I point to the same sign, "actually it just says no."
  9. This is not his yard, but this was the sign.
    I had already walked Hendrix to the dog park where he handled his business, we were just on our way home when this went down.
  10. "It means no pooping, smart ass." His face is turning red at this point.
    "Sir, my dog isn't pooping, he was just sniffing your sign because it looks like a dog."
  11. "If I see your dog in the street I'll run him over!" He's angrily pointing at me while he says this.
    "Sir, I live in this neighborhood-"
  12. "So, what's it to ya?"
    "We're neighbors, I don't appreciate all the hostility."
  13. "You know what I don't appreciate?!"
    "Civil discourse?"
  14. "Dog shit in my yard!"
    "Okay, well, this has been enjoyable. It was a pleasure meeting you and your wife in the window there. Hope you have a nice day."
  15. And I would've just walked away at the point, except when I did the leash didn't move with me.
    I look down to see Hendrix, with all four paws on the sidewalk, squatting over the edge of the lawn. 🐕💩 directly in front of the sign.
  16. The old man did not find it amusing.
    All I could do was laugh. 😂😂
  17. As I mentioned earlier, Hendrix had previously handled his business at the dog park, so I didn't have another bag on me. Usually I carry two, just in case, but I wasn't that smart this morning.
    I point to our condo and tell the man, "I live right there, I'm going to get a bag and come back to pick this up."
  18. "You're not leaving until you pick this up," he says.
    "Do you have a bag I can use?"
  19. "Use your hands! It's your dog, you pick it up."
    "Okay, I'll be right back to pick it up. You can watch me walk right over there and come back."
  20. At this point, Hendrix starts barking at the man.
  21. The old man starts walking back to the house.
    So I start walking to go get a bag.
  22. The old man, however, did not go in the house. He stopped at his porch and got his hose.
    As I was crossing the street I felt water sprinkle on me. I looked up, it's overcast, maybe it started raining. I do that thing where you hold out your hand to see if you can feel the rain drops, and then another big splash of water hits me. "What the hell?!" I turn around and the old man is spraying me from across the street! 😎🐕🚿
  23. "You come back here and pick this up!" He yells.
    I cross the street and get out of the range of his hose and say, "I'm not coming back until you put the hose away."
  24. "I'm calling the police!" He threatens.
    "For what?"
  25. "This is vandalism!"
    "Good luck with that."
  26. "This is littering!"
    "It's biodegradable," I say as I began to walk towards our condo.
  27. I go home, drop Hendrix off, grab a bag and start to walk back.
    The old man still has the hose. I stop in the safe zone and say, "I'll pick it up if you put the hose away."
  28. "No."
    "Okay, I'm going home."
  29. "I'm keeping this here until the cops come and they see what your dog did."
    "Sir, I will pick it up, just don't spray me."
  30. "No, it's evidence."
    "Okay, have a nice day." And I went home.
  31. No arrests have been made yet.