I'm Not a Powerball Winner but I Still Feel Like a Million Bucks

This is a true story about how I gave away my Powerball millions(gross billions).
  1. I texted my wife yesterday to see if she had the cash, time and interest in getting a powerball ticket while she was out and about.
    She politely declined.
  2. So, I stopped on my way home from work and treated myself to a bag of barbecue potato chips so I could get cash back and purchase my winning powerball ticket.
    I specifically asked for the "winning numbers," something most people forget to do.
  3. The cashier remarked, "only one ticket?"
    "Yeah," I said, "why waste money on a bunch of losing tickets? This is obviously the winner."
  4. Then I walked out with the winning powerball ticket, a bag of chips and a lemon lime Gatorade (gotta have something to wash down the chips) in my hand.
    Feeling like Charley Bucket with the golden ticket!
  5. On my way to my car, a homeless man (I'm guessing based on his appearance) asked me for spare change.
    San Diego has the second highest population of homeless, many of them veterans, in California. And, California has the highest homeless population of any state. It is my weakness. Maybe one day I'll list about the things I do(and you can easily do) to help but for now this will be the only mention of it because I do it for myself and not for recognition.
  6. I just spent all the cash I had.
    I felt terrible!
  7. I offered him my chips and Gatorade.
    He happily accepted, was very appreciative and went on his way. I apologized for not having any cash but he assured me that this was more than enough. He was very gracious.
  8. Gratitude is my other weakness.
    How can you not want to help someone that truly appreciates it?
  9. I get to my car and I start looking for change, so I can go back and give him something more.
    As I'm digging through pennies in my center console a voice starts talking to me, in my head, saying "just give it to him," and "don't be greedy," and "he needs it more than you." SHUT UP! I say, to the voice in my head, as I clutch my precious winning powerball ticket like Gollum in Lord of the Rings.
  10. I have $0.37 in my car.
    Pathetic. 😔
  11. I walk back over to the homeless guy.
    He is sitting on the side of 7/11 eating the chips I gave him. Anybody that has a sales job knows all the phrases like "every no brings you closer to a yes," but you can't imagine how many mean or rude "no's" a homeless person has to endure before finally getting a yes.
  12. I offer him the $0.37.
    But the voice in my head is repeatedly screaming, "give it to him! Give it to him!"
  13. I still have the winning powerball ticket in my hand (I haven't put it in my pocket or wallet or anything), still gripping it like Gollum in LOTR.
    I finally lose the internal struggle in my mind and as if somebody else is controlling my body against my will, I extend my arm and open my hand to reveal the powerball ticket and whoever/whatever is controlling me blurts out "here."
  14. As if a spell had been lifted, the moment he took the powerball ticket from my hand, whoever/whatever was controlling me left my body and I returned to my natural self.
    True to my normal personality, I began to negotiate with this guy. Eventually, we agreed to meet at the same 7/11, this morning, with the promise that if we didn't win the jackpot that I would buy him breakfast and if we did win then he would buy me breakfast from his half of the winnings. But either way, we would meet at 7/11 to find out together if we won.
  15. I arrive at the same 7/11 this morning, instead of going immediately to my usual parking spot, I circle around looking for my business partner.
    He is nowhere to be found.
  16. After a brief walk around the building, after parking my car, I decide to go in to purchase my own breakfast.
    I ask the guy behind the counter if he's seen my business partner today and he says no.
  17. There is only one logical conclusion.
    Obviously, my business partner checked our numbers, realized we won, turned his back on our agreement and high-tailed it out of town! Like an outlaw in the old west that robbed a bank and skipped town before the law/hangman can catch him.
  18. I was briefly upset.
    But, then I realized, we shook on it! So, there's no way he's going to double cross me.
  19. Alternate, less logical but still likely conclusion.
    He probably just got excited and went to claim our millions. I'm confident he'll bring me my half in due time. 🤑