Stop me if you've heard this one before... I'm not sure if I've listed about this story already, but this is absolutely 100% true.
  1. Anaheim, Ca 1988
    I was in second grade.
  2. My dad's truck recently broke down, so he takes me to school on our dirt bike.
    He's driving, I'm riding behind him. Neither of us are wearing a helmet because it's the 80's.
  3. We don't live that far from the school but we're already running late.
    Then, we get pulled over.
  4. The female cop explains that the bike isn't street legal and I think she said something about me not wearing a helmet.
    My dad explains that he's taking me to school and our other car broke down, yada yada, we get out of the ticket.
  5. But, I'm still late for school.
  6. When we get to school my dad drops me off and instead of coming with me to explain why we're late he goes in my backpack, gets some paper and writes a note.
    He folds up the note, hands it to me and tells me to give it to the lady at the attendance office.
  7. I don't read the note. Why would I read the note? My dad wrote it, handed it to me, I handed it to the attendance lady. That's it.
    So it came as a big surprise when she accused me of forging the note.
  8. Her: "Dude, what are trying to pull?"
    Me: huh?
  9. "This is not even a good forgery attempt."
    "What does forgery mean?"
  10. "I'm going to call your parents if you don't fess up."
    "Yes, good, call them!"
  11. "Dude, stop lying. I'm giving you one more chance to come clean or you're going to the principals office."
    "My dad wrote the note, I don't know what else to say."
  12. She comes out from behind her desk, grabs my EAR, and walks me to the principals office.
    "Mr.Haynes, the dude tried to pass this off as a tardy note from his father, and then he lied about it."
  13. The principal tells me to sit down and asks me why I was late to school.
    I explain that we got pulled over on our way to school and if they would just call my dad, this would all be taken care of.
  14. The principal says, "that's not what you put in your note."
    "I didn't write the note!!"
  15. "Calm down, son" he says.
    "I didn't do anything wrong. I was fifteen minutes late for school and now you've kept me from class for another twenty minutes!"
  16. "I'm calling your parents," he says as he picks up the phone.
    While he's dialing, I reach into the tub of red vines on his desk and pull out a few. But, just as I take them out, he grabs them from my hand and says "those are only given to good students, as a reward."
  17. My home phone goes to the answering machine after nobody answers and he leaves a message, "Mr. and Mrs. Dudeness, your son is in the principals office and we'd like you to give us a call back as soon as you get this."
    "My dad is asleep. He works at night, comes home, takes me to school, then goes to sleep until I get out of class."
  18. "Well, I'm sure he'll want to know about your abduction" he says.
  19. "Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about."
    "I don't and I'm not acting."
  20. "You wrote in this note, and I quote, sorry for the dude's tardiness, we were abducted by aliens and the teenage mutant ninja turtles had to come rescue us. All is well now. Signed, Daddy."
  21. "This isn't funny! You are in big trouble! You are late, you forged a note, you lied about it and you talked back to Charlotte and myself."
    "Can I please go to class?"
  22. "No, I'm going to try calling your parents again."
    "Mr.Haynes, my dad wrote that note, I swear!"
  23. "Dude, even if I were inclined to believe you, I can't believe that your father would write this note in crayon AND sign it Daddy."!
    "I see your point."
  24. ☎️ "yes, hi, Mr. Daderino? Yes, hi, this is Mr.Haynes down at the school. Yes, good morning to you as well. We have a situation with your son, no, no, he wasn't shooting spit balls at teachers again. No, he wasn't convincing kids that number two meant they had to hold it until they had to go twice..."
  25. "...nope, not that either. Uh, Mr.Daderino, we're concerned that your son was forging tardy notes. Uh huh, uh huh, well, yes, he certainly has a creative imagination, it says he was abducted by aliens and saved by karate turtles-"
    "Ninja turtles.."
  26. "Please don't interrupt me. No not you sir, your son is sitting in my office. No, I'm not aware that it's a popular kids show. No, I'm not familiar with the ooze, as you called it. Anyway, Mr.Daderino, he forged this note and lied about it and talked back to the office staff when questioned about it."
  27. "You what now? Uh huh. You don't say. Well... Um.... We'd appreciate it if in the future you would sign the notes with your actual name. Yes, of course, and if you could use blue or black ink in the future, that would help eliminate some confusion. Yes, of course." He hands me the phone, "he'd like to speak with you."
    "Dad, Charlotte grabbed my ear and squeezed it real hard while she walked me to the principals office. It's still red, it hurts a lot." I hand him the phone back, "he wants to speak with you again."
  28. "Hello, Mr.Daderino, I assure you sh-" he holds the phone away from his ear, I can hear my dad yelling through the phone. "Well, she, uh... uh huh, ok, yes. No problem. Yes, we're sorry about that. Yes sir. Never again. Ok. Thank you, uh huh, have a good day."
    "Can I have a redvine now?"
  29. Then he walked me to my class and that was the day I ate an entire tub of redvines without getting in trouble for eating in class or not sharing.
  30. I would choose to relive this day because there are few feelings better than knowing the truth will set you free. Especially when you're a kid and adults refuse to believe you, only to end up eating a big helping of humble pie in the end.
    Also, the redvines.