Remember the two ice creams photo? These are not that cool, but since you're already here you might as well enjoy them. Feel free to make fun of me in the comments.
  1. •
    Junior High
    My dog Shogun. Named after my favorite movie at the time, Shogun Assassins.
  2. •
    Junior High girlfriend
    This was a Polaroid and I wrote "(fine one)" after her name because I wasn't very creative with nicknames back then. Also, notice that my hands are closed - I don't remember why but the working hypothesis is that I was afraid of accidentally touching her boob if my hand was bigger than her arm. Could also be that I was holding something in both hands, but what?
  3. •
    6th grade camp
    That's me in the front, with the baby blue hoodie. I wanted that sooooo bad, I saved up my allowance to buy it myself from Millers Outpost. I don't remember why I wanted it to much.
  4. •
    Same friend from 6th grade camp, 10(ish) years later.
    I'm in the white.
  5. •
    Freshman year of high school, I'm on the left with the terrible sunglasses.
    Yes, they are comparing the numbers in their pagers to the numbers in my chictionary. (A chictionary is something that looks like a credit card but it opens up to have several pages where you can write down information; girls names, numbers, addresses, etc). I don't think I made up "chictionary," everything I did or said at that time was a direct attempt to be like Zack Morris or the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, so I probably got it from them.
  6. •
    Same day, before the homecoming dance, I think. With my high school girlfriend.
    That is not dirt on my upper lip, it is what I thought at the time was a really cool mustache that made me look older and more mature.
  7. •
    Senior Prom
    Same girlfriend. Look how much she changed and all I really did was learn how to shave.
  8. •
    Freshman football. First time I got to bring home my pads, mom had to take a picture.
  9. •
    Spikey hair phase
    I actually don't think this is a terrible picture, but my wife thinks my hair looks like a stuck a paper clip in an electrical outlet.
  10. •
    Side eye phase, before "side eye" was cool. (Yeah, I started that shit!)
    I used to do this thing where I would look at the camera and right before they took the picture I would look away (like this 👀). I don't know why I found this so amusing, but it's in 90% of my pictures age 16-22. It was also typically accompanied by me pointing as if there was something to see off camera. (My apologies to spikey hair phase girlfriend for cutting half of your face off, you deserve better).
  11. •
    Spikey hair phase, cont.
    Check out the home-made skateboard though. Started with a snowboard, added a support beam, trucks and wheels from a dolly. It was the first off-road skateboard, one of the many reasons I should be rich by now, but like all my other brilliant ideas I failed to monetize it.
  12. •
    The freshman 15...
    Happened entirely in my face! (Go Angels!)
  13. •
    Dare phase.
    You really think I won't go into that bar wearing your fur coat and his hat sideways while rocking her shades.... Try me!
  14. •
    Hat with dress shirt/sweater combo phase.
    I'm actually surprised there aren't more of these, as this phase lasted a few years. I wanted to look like I knew how to dress but also like I didn't care. Strong side eye game in this one as well, old habits die hard. Not sure if my friend was doing ✌🏻️or trying to do bunny ears on my friend that moved out of the picture.
  15. •
    Trying not to look high at Senior Prom.
    Not succeeding at all!
  16. •
    Bonus: New Years Day 2016
    Reading before breakfast and hiking. So into my Tom Petty book that I didn't notice my wife taking my picture. I guess we'll call this Monkey Beanie phase.