1. Giphy
  2. What is the best lie you have told? The Tio Carlos Story
    Was going to see RHCP and the Mars Volta with some of my friends. We want to get some food and drinks before the concert so we go to a Mexican restaurant but there's a line out the door and we're already running late. I walk up to the hostess to see how long the wait is and before she acknowledges me I notice an open booth in the back that says "reserved." Instead of giving my name to the hostess for the waiting list, I say confidently, "my uncle Carlos reserved that booth for me and my friends"
  3. The Tio Carlos Story (cont.)
    The hostess looks at me, thinks about it and asks, "if Carlos is your uncle, what's his last name?" Without hesitation I say "Sanchez." (Total guess!) She looks at me and I stare right back at her and she says "ok, follow me this way" and walks us to the booth. We sit down, order food and cocktails and before they arrive a man walks over to our table and says, "which one of you is my nephew?" Everyone points at me and he says "I don't know you. How'd you know my last name?" I say, "lucky guess."
  4. The Tio Carlos Story (cont.)
    Carlos looks us over and says "nobody in the thirty years I've owned this place has pulled that off. You guys better order a lot, tip your waitress very well and don't do it again." We agree and he brings us a round of tequila shots on the house. We ordered so many drinks that we missed most of the Mars Volta, but we saw RHCP and gained a fun story.
  5. What is the weirdest prank call you have ever made?
    Can't think of a weird prank call but I used to be a telemarketer and one of the companies I worked for was a long distance phone carrier. So I would basically call businesses and trick them into switching to a more expensive plan(it was super shitty). I called my uncle's company, very big corporation, you've all heard of them so I'm not going to mention it. They have hundreds of phone lines and I would switch 5 lines a week to the more expensive plan, until he found out.
  6. If you could have personally witnessed anything, what would you want to have seen?
    The Big Bang or Adam and Eve or however it is we came to be here. There are so many things I would love to have witnessed; Jackie Robinsons first game with the Dodgers, MLK jr.'s I Have a Dream speech, Neil Armstrong on the moon, the battle at Thermopylae, Nostradamus coming up with his quatrains, Shakespeare struggling with writers block trying to finish a sonnet. I could go on, but it all begins with how we came to the point of being, so that tops my list.
  7. If you could be any age for a week, what would it be and why?
    27. I was basically as intelligent as I am now but better looking(more youthful but not too young) and in better shape. I had less income but also less responsibilities, so more disposable income. I lived at the beach, my best friend was still alive and we'd go to the beach almost every day. I was single so I could explore that freedom but it was also the age I met my wife, which is the best thing that ever happened to me, so it's kinda like having my cake and eating it too.
  8. What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten?
    Eggs. Think about what you're actually eating. It's gross. But most of us do it regularly without giving it a second thought. Also cows milk, for similar reasons. Let's just say if aliens abducted you and served you there version of milk and eggs and you saw where they came from, you would likely be grossed the fuck out.
  9. You are walking in the dark, you hear a loud noise, you think someone is yelling, what do you do?
    There are too many circumstantial qualifiers to any answer I'd give; what type of noise(gun shot, glass breaking, trash truck dropping a dumpster, etc), what type of yelling(screaming, trash talk, acquaintance trying to get my attention,etc), am I alone(or with my wife, with friends, coworkers, etc). So in general I'll say that if I was alone and thought someone was in trouble I'd like to think I'd help, if I was with my wife and thought it might be dangerous I would keep walking for her safety.
  10. What is your biggest fear?
    Dying while trying to get down from whatever I've just climbed.
  11. What is the weirdest thing about you and are you proud of it?
    I will cut all of my food into bite sized pieces before eating (when applicable). I wouldn't say that I'm proud of that, but I'm not embarrassed by it.
  12. Mountains or beach?
    Beach 🏖 and the hotter the better. I love the mountains but if you're going to make me choose, it's an easy decision for me.
  13. If you could select one person in history and have them truthfully answer one question, who and what?
    Tom Petty ➡️ are you my father? @ElDudetterino (he may not be able to knowingly answer that question, the late 70's/early 80's were a weird time).
  14. Bonus: if you could choose your method of dying, what would it be?
    Diving in front of President Malia Obama to save her from assassination, during the end of her second term.