Stuff My Wife Says, vol.iii 📂🌷

You can find volume II here Stuff My Wife Says, vol.ii
  1. It always happens when I'm trying to say the most inappropriate things, so I can't be loud.
  2. I'm not even pregnant anymore, I dropped it off at the pottery store.
    I think you can all figure out what she's alluding to, but this was said at a time when we thought she might actually be pregnant.
  3. It was in my other butt.
    I have no idea what this was in reference to, it was just on my list that I keep of shit she says.
  4. Fine, I'll poop on your pee.
    Said during a disagreement over letting the yellow mellow. (We're in a drought)
  5. Can't I just be myself when I get home?! I have to pretend to be nice all day.
  6. I love the big lebowski, you can suck my dick!
    (See previous list item about being nice.)
  7. I've decided that getting burned to death is not how I'd want to die. (In response to her sunburn)
    Me: it took getting sunburned to realize that getting burned to death would suck? Her: Well, there's so many other ways that are terrible, it didn't seem that bad, but now it's off the table. Me:I can't believe it was actually on the table.