Things My Dad Said to ME This Week...

My dad leaves drunk voice mails; this list is cheaper than therapy.
  1. I saw you on tv at the Chargers game.
  2. Don't paint your face like that, it looks stupid! (Didn't paint my face)
  3. You're a disappointment to the whole family.
  4. Call your mother more often, she's the only one you have.
  5. The NSA is listening to my calls so don't call to ask to buy drugs anymore... or black market organs.
  6. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
  7. Remember when you were little and I made you pitch to me in the drive way and it was always the World Series, bottom of the ninth, and we always won. You usually sucked and I had to pretend like the imaginary battery swung at your pitches so we could win and finally go inside. There I said it!