Things My Dad Said to ME This Week...
My dad leaves drunk voice mails; this list is cheaper than therapy.
- •I saw you on tv at the Chargers game.
- •Don't paint your face like that, it looks stupid! (Didn't paint my face)
- •You're a disappointment to the whole family.
- •Call your mother more often, she's the only one you have.
- •The NSA is listening to my calls so don't call to ask to buy drugs anymore... or black market organs.
- •You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
- •Remember when you were little and I made you pitch to me in the drive way and it was always the World Series, bottom of the ninth, and we always won. You usually sucked and I had to pretend like the imaginary battery swung at your pitches so we could win and finally go inside. There I said it!