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- •Some of you might know that there's an occasional rivalry between this account and @joannfabrics
- •And the next day my precious son Ebenezer came home from school and told me that some of the other students had called him 'fart flavored slurpee Jr.'
- •The Yarn Gospel is a document discovered by Hobby Lobby founder Elmo Hobblobby in 1971 that details our Lord's thoughts on and relationship with yarn.
- •There are also sections dealing with birth control, the chewing of gum, and a few predictions regarding Burger King's Angriest Whopper
- •The most important part is where Jesus says 'Be as yarn in all ye do, gentle yet binding'
- •Actually, we do!
- •However, the coverage we provide isn't the typical plan offered by many other companies of our size. Instead, we offer a plan suggested in our guiding document, the Yarn Gospel
- •Each and every employee of Hobby Lobby is entitled to be assigned an 'Omar.'
- •I'd love to get a staff writing position on my favorite show Broad City
- •Here are some episode ideas just in case someone in a position of power reads this
- •Abbi needs adhesive google eyes for a project and goes to @michaelsstores looking for some and gets a staph infection after stepping on an old screwdriver someone left in the parking lot
- •You'd think he'd be more careful, right?
- •Especially since he's so fuckin proud of his job as the Hobby Lobby social media guy
- •Which by the way is a much shittier job than being a partner at a law firm
- •Star of stage and screen Benedict Cumberbatch has spoken out against @joannfabrics on multiple occasions
- •From an interview in GQ: 'one thing that quite took me by surprise when I first visited America was this chain called Joann's Fabrics, which is basically a huge toilet filled with cheap garbage'
- •From Fresh Air: 'I based my portrayal of Smaug on the typical @joannfabrics customer—old, angry, scaly skin, completely self-absorbed and cynical, sewing destruction and better off dead, quite frankly'
- •Old Jegg Hillcoat is an associate at our Cornbone, Iowa location
- •Old Jegg has worked at Hobby Libby since 1999
- •Oh no, I wrote Libby up there and not Lobby. Is there a way to edit these?