1. Some of you might know that there's an occasional rivalry between this account and @joannfabrics
  2. And the next day my precious son Ebenezer came home from school and told me that some of the other students had called him 'fart flavored slurpee Jr.'
  3. He could barely finish massaging his mother and I, that's how upset he was
  4. And massaging his mother and I after school is usually his favorite chore
  5. So I hope you're happy, @joannfabrics
  6. You've made a 32 year old boy so sad that he's thinking about leaving the police academy.
  7. Someone should take a whole bunch of toads who died of natural causes and liquefy them and pour them into your ears
  8. And then everyone will call you toad ears.