WAYS IN WHICH JURASSIC PARK HAS INFORMED MY OWN LIFE DECISIONS

Lessons learnt
  1. If it's heavy, it's expensive. Put it back
    This applies to pianos, farm and domestic animals, and most philosophies.
  2. They do move in herds.
    Women. Bankers. Crippling losses.
  3. Life finds a way
    See condoms, pulling out, and animals that eat their own young.
  4. Their vision is based on movement
    Really any time you are in a jungle, a dark room, or dealing with someone wearing effective camouflage. Also relevant for those with astigmatism.
  5. Thatcher bulked up his book with a bunch of fucking pictures.
    Cheaters often win. Thatcher didn't need to go to a death trap. His book was long as fuck. $$$$$$
  6. You're alive when they start to eat you
    Mosquitos. Lice. Your insecurities.
  7. Shaving cream cans often make loud whirring/squeaking noises
    All things always
  8. Fat human beings never make loud whirring/squeaking noises
    All things always
  9. Don't gorge yourself on ice cream when there are velociraptors nearby. It's fucking catnip.
    This will be useful next year once Science has turned chickens into extremely pissed velociraptors.