2015'S MISSED FILM OPPORTUNITIES THAT I HOPE AREN'T MISSED IN 2016
Here's a few movies I really hoped were gonna get made last year. Here's hoping the studios do the right thing and make one of these flicks for every superhero, explosion fueled waste of a story they insist on producing.
- •Got Shoes?Todd sells shoes, but with retail real estate skyrocketing in Lincoln, Nebraska he's forced to take his shoe store on the road. Can Todd sell his existing inventory out the back of a hybrid Sonata? Can he convince distributors to continue shipping smaller orders to various motels across the country for his resupply? Will he find love? All of these questions and more are explored in..."Got Shoes?"
- •Mariah Carey: Forensic AccountantTrue crime is hot. Mariah Carey is hot. In "Mariah Carey: Forensic Accountant" we explore the Mariah's little known propensity for investigating lost cause cases. This documentary follows her from town to town as she uses her fame to disguise her real reason for visiting: to seek justice. At the end of the movie, Nick Cannon wakes up from a fever dream in bed with a magician and a homely looking Norwegian opera singer.
- •Are You My Uber Driver?The year is 3036 and civilization is no more. Tribal warfare rules the streets of New York City. A young boy finds an ancient subway poster in the rubble of the last attack. It speaks of the great Uber and her Drivers. He runs away from home and embarks on a quest for the ancient Uber.
- •MorganA young androgynous child is found in an Omaha Best Buy with no recollection of how they got there. The child only remembers a name: Morgan. Is it the child's name? Is it a boy's name? A girl's name? Is the child a boy or a girl?Was it actually "Gorgon?" Only one thing is certain: Morgan is a girl's name.
- •The Hart WantsA deer will stop at nothing to grasp her deepest desire: the balls of the hunter who took her baby.
- •Love is a Warm GunGun owner who loves guns fucks his own gun. A lot. He gets metal poisoning from all the gun sex and decides to take his own life before it escalates. Sadly, he's all outta bullets.