As written on a subway commute home in early November 2015
  1. Making him smile.
    It feels like the single greatest victory of all time. Every time. It's not hard to make him smile, but every single grin is documented well in the crevices of my happy memories.
  2. Being so completely necessary.
    This world (and this city in particular) can really remind you of your smallness. Of your complete unimportance in the greatest and grandest schemes of things. And I like that. It keeps me hungry. But knowing that he needs me in a way that I'm not sure any other thing has ever really NEEDED me, is daunting and humbling. It's great.
  3. Thinking about all the cool shit he doesn't even know he doesn't know yet.
    Yo. Cheeseburgers. Rock concerts. Staying up through the night with someone you love. Making something great and being pretty sure it doesn't suck. He doesn't even know that these are things that will change his life. How rad is that?
  4. Singing songs to him.
    By all counts, he loves my rhymes, timbre and phrasing. This is noted by the smiles and giggles. I'm taking it.
  5. Feeding him.
    I know it's not the same as when Mom does it, but I love watching him fade into that little milk coma.
  6. Taking pictures with him.
    He's cute. Like so cute it makes you angry. But I love taking pics with him because I want documentation of all our cool times together.
  7. He makes me feel like a better person.
    Am I ACTUALLY a better person? Probably not. But seeing myself in the reflection of his smile melts me and makes me think I must be great to deserve a sliver of that love.
  8. He makes my work better.
    I want him to live in a world where his family is making cool shit. So he can see what it's like to have passion and to follow it.
  9. Walking a stroller with a cute baby is fun.
    People want to talk to him and about him all the time. Is there a better way to overcome my own crippling shyness?
  10. I see his Mother in him. All the time.
    Seeing Ash in this sweet little boy we made together devastates me with happiness and pride and love. It's pretty fucking rad.