Been waiting underground for an hour between subway stops due to "debris on the roadway that needs to be cleared" and "a stalled train that cannot move ahead of us." Possible causes of the delay could be:
  1. One beaver made it down here and taught the rats how to make a subway dam. If this is the case, we'll all be dead soon in the first battle of the New York Rat Apocalypse. Never forget.
  2. This is the beginning of the best reality show EVER but with the worst casting. I mean...c'mon.
  3. Car fell into the subway. Not sure how that works, but seems legit.
  4. Another subway was going the wrong way and now all the subways have to backup to let us all out.
  5. It's part of a new "subway tollbooth" system designed to fleece us even further. Thanks MTA.
  6. One of the Mole People accidentally activated the Revolution Alarm and has set in motion the destruction of our city's underground transportation system. They are really killing it.
  7. Someone can't tell if the emergency brake is on or if it's just "making a funny noise."
  8. Indiana Jones' boulder is on the loose down here.
  9. This an opportunity to see how long MTA can apologize to people for "the inconvenience" before they lose their shit and set fire to the train. 20 minutes and counting...
  10. Experiential advertising: when we finally get off the train there will be kiosks with external battery sources for our phones that have gone dead in the madness.
  11. Someone thought they saw something. But it turned out to just be a hot dog wrapper. Oops.
  12. Experiment to see how slow a subway train can go.
  13. Experiment to see if I can watch this entire episode of "Legends" over this lady's shoulder. Oh, Sean Bean. You are a delight.
  14. Could be an test to see if the Central Park carriage horses can pull a subway train. Just in case. Early results: hell no.
  15. We actually took a wrong turn in Alberquerque.
  16. Unnecessary real time test of underground rescue operations. Current results: not good.
  17. I think Michelle Obama is in this episode.
  18. Turns out it was to practice a train evacuation. So yeah. That was fun.
  19. This just in: they are attempting to move the stalled train ahead of us, so no train evacuation. Begging a new slogan: "The MTA: We Don't Even Fuck Up Right."
  20. This is an episode of that "What Would You Do?" hidden camera show. I'll tell you what I wouldn't do: pee on the passenger necessary. But I get it. I'm not gonna do it, but I get it.
  21. Update: we are now evacuating. So that's good. "The MTA: We're Back to Fucking Up Pretty Good."
  22. Evacuating a train by walking through every car the length of two trains is not as much as-it doesn't sound fun? It sounds miserable? Yeah, that's right then.