How to have a dog

Now you can have the pet of your dreams
  1. Get one
  2. Call it something consistently
  3. Water it
  4. Drop some food on the floor each day
  5. Give it 4-5 hours of direct sunlight per week
  6. Teach it to obey with restrained beatings
  7. Responsibly destroy its reproductive organs
  8. Torture with lather weekly
  9. Tie it to a rope and drag it around sometimes
  10. Use a small bag to pick up its bio-waste with your hands
  11. When it dies, bury it