12 STEPS TO A GRINDR HOOKUP🍆

  1. 1.
    Get home from the bar and realize you have this unquenched sexual thirst that is taking over your personality. Your roommates are like "let's drink more" and you're like "no thanks I'm busy"
  2. 2.
    Reinstall the app on your phone
  3. 3.
    Start conversations with all green dots and anyone who looks to be on the same page as you are. They are likely to either not have a face, be shirtless, or have talked to you before.
  4. 4.
    Send between 3 and 5 strategically thought out photos. (Smile, body, face/head(without a hat), maybe peen, maybe butt- depends on your political aspirations that night and how safe this person makes you feel)
  5. 5.
    Photo replies. And you are suddenly a judge on Americas next top model. Everyone is a 4 to a 9 pretty much.
  6. 6.
    Tell them you can't host because you don't want to get murdered in your own apartment. You'd rather get murdered at their place.
  7. 7.
    Get the invite from them to come hang
  8. 8.
    Realize walking 10-15 blocks will literally kill you at this point in the night so you go radio silent and you also find an INCREDIBLY comfortable position on your couch.
  9. 9.
    Pass out on your couch with a boner in your jeans/contacts. It's always both jeans and contacts. Never one or the other.
  10. 10.
    Wake up the next morning to find 5 different "you comin?" messages.
  11. 11.
    Apologize kindly - "sorry I passed out!"
  12. 12.
    Delete Grindr.