1. Books. Nice. I read about those.
  2. You have a dick, right?
  3. The first time he had a gummy worm, he said they were almost as good as the real thing.
  4. Can't wait 'til recess so we can go masturbate. Am I right?
  5. Let's be proactive, like Adam Levine's face wash.
  6. I'm not having a fresh time unless you're having a fresh time.
  7. Who names their kid that they like after Billy Crystal?
  8. Prom is not about being sad and in love. It's about revenge and shame.
  9. Notes are for nerds. That's why they both begin with the letter N.