FIVE THINGS MARIJUANA USE ACTUALLY CURES

  1. 1.
    Your perception of your disease.
    You still have cancer, but now you blissfully think you don't.
  2. 2.
    Your ability to run far.
    That wonderful wheezing you hear is means it's working.
  3. 3.
    Your low incidence of body odor.
    Bathing is now a much easier habit to break.
  4. 4.
    Boring talentless concerts.
    What lip-synching? That Miley Bieber concert just became epic!
  5. 5.
    Food expirations.
    Those Wheat Thins in the back of the cabinet that you bought in 2005 are better than God's personal Oreos!