HOW TO RAISE YOUR DAUGHTER RIGHT IF YOUR REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FAILS TO GET ELECTED

  1. Tattoo a giant red R on her forehead.
    Tattooing women is in the Bible. Somewhere.
  2. Two words: Chastity Belt
    They're totally legal! Also in the Bible (probably).
  3. Always handle her babysitting money and make sure her cut is 70%.
    Not only does it prepare her for the workplace, it's just the right thing to do.
  4. Teach her all her sexual and reproductive health questions can ONLY be answered by an old white man.
    Because they know best.
  5. Tell her rape is wrong, but if it happens it will probably be her fault.
    She can also talk with any old white man if she has further questions.
  6. You know what? Just refer her to any old white man for EVERYTHING and your job is done!