LIFEHACKS: How To Hack Your Religion

You can finish your religion on your own!
  1. 1.
    Remove all the Ancient Laws.
    Most major religions contain a mashup of pre and post Bronze Age city-state laws from hundreds of tribes all trying to live together in merchant-trade societies. Very few of these jive with the modern world. And, no, they are not the "word of God". They are more the product of the loudest tribes or most dominant leader.
  2. 2.
    Sort Out all the Metaphors.
    Once you've removed all that soot and baggage in Step 1, you're now left with a jumble of mythologies that were also mashed up from numerous tribes. Most of these are family fables, hunting tales, and other pattern-seeking ditties that have formed into narratives. These are rich with common sense lessons, but don't take them literally. Think: Aesop's Fables.
  3. 3.
    Compare Your Religion To Another
    There's no easier way to grok (fully understand) your religion than by comparing it to another one. Eastern compared with Western seems to work the best because one is more extrinsic-focused and the other intrinsic-focused. Ying/Yang is good stuff. HOT TIP: You can complete religion using this step alone!
  4. 4.
    Apply the Lessons to Your Life.
    It pretty much boils down to: The Golden Rule (Do unto others as you'd have done to you) and Know Thyself (Get comfortable with living in the moment). Seriously, that's it! The Oriental religions teach these like a boss.
  5. 5.
    Realize There's No Santa
    All the gods and devils are just you: your fears, your desires, your existence. If believing there's an external God gives you comfort then carry on, but keep it to yourself. Just like all privates, you're responsible for keeping your beliefs private. It's just common decency.
  6. 6.
    Lastly, Abandon Organized Religions
    Every wonderful life lesson you learn in Step 2 is perverted and/or broken by organized religion. They are cults and they want power, money, and a side order of misogyny. That's it! They are really quite evil. There's a couple millennia of proof on this. Sure, you may miss some of the traditions you grew up with, but hey, that's the price of adulthood. Seriously, organized religions really do suck.