A PICKUP LINE FOR EVERY U.S. INSULAR AREA AND MINOR OUTLYING ISLAND

he's baaaack #viral #relevant #desperate
  1. You must be from American Samoa, because I'm Eric: handsome--oh, a great guy as well
    Trivia: American Samoa was originally named "I'm Eric: Handsome--Oh, A Great Guy As Well" in honor of the first words spoken by debonaire English explorer Eric Poshington upon disembarking there in 1638. For the sake of convenience, it was shortened to "I'm Eric: Handsome--Oh, A" in the early 18th century, and then officially re-spelled "Imerichandsomeoha" in 1781. But pronunciation problems caused by that spelling spurred a final 1803 re-jiggering, giving us its current name, "American Samoa"
  2. You must be from Bajo Nuevo Bank, because you can bank on me taking you to Bajo Fresh for some nuevos rancheros
  3. You must be from Baker Island, because baker? I hardly know her! Hi, my name is Del, can I buy you a drink?
  4. You must be from Guam, because you remind me of this girl from Guam I used to date. I really miss her... Hey you know what? I'll buy you the drink of your choice, if you agree to look at me and say, "I never should have broken up with you, babe." Ah, forget it. It's no use. It won't bring her back to me. Now, scram!
  5. You must be from Howland Island, because you're the skeletons of Amelia Earhart and Fred Noonan, allegedly
  6. You must be from Jarvis Island, because you seem like a classic JAP (Jarvis-American Princess)
  7. You must be from Johnston Atoll, because I'd like to put my johnson in your buttholl
  8. You must be from Kingman Reef, because smoking reefer with you would be cool, man
  9. You must be from the Midway Islands, because I'd like to land in your midway
  10. You must be from Navassa Island. Just a guess. No? Oh, it's uninhabited? Why do you know that? What do you mean, "Because I'm from there?" I thought you said it's uninhabited. Something fishy is going on-- [get knocked out from behind by unknown assailant] [wake up on Navassa Island] [seek help, but no one is around because it's uninhabited] [die]
  11. You must be from the Northern Marianas Islands, because I see two islands on the northern part of your body. Your breasts
  12. You must be from Palmyra Atoll, because I'd like to put my johnson in your vagina
  13. You must be from Puerto Rico, judging from your tattoo that reads "I love Puerto Rico and am from there"
  14. You must be from Serranilla Bank, unlike B.J. Novak, who I by the way happen to know. Impressed? Care for a sex--er, I mean, a drink?
  15. You must be from the U.S. Virgin Islands, because I'm about to get you a virgin margarita but with alcohol in it
  16. You must be from Wake Island, because wyoming me horny