Guaranteed to get all my fellas out there lady-laid! States listed alphabetically
  1. You must be from Alabama, because I'll, uh, bam ya
  2. You must be from Alaska, because alask ya if you want to have sex with me
  3. You must be from Arizona, because you either hate Mexicans or are Mexican
  4. You must be from Arkansas, because you have a very Ozark-y vibe
  5. You must be from California, because you went to elementary school with me in Santa Monica. Remember? We both had Mrs. Gipstein for third grade
  6. You must be from Colorado, because you're a colorful rad ho
  7. You must be from Connecticut, because I'd like to connect my eye to your cut. What I'm trying to say is, lemme see that vagina!
  8. You must be from Delaware, because you're about to become very aware of Del. Hi, my name is Del, can I buy you a drink?
  9. You must be from Florida, because looking at you gives me an erection that protrudes from my body much like Florida protrudes from the continental United States. Hi, my name is Del, can I buy you a drink?
  10. You must be from Georgia, because you have a very Atlanta accent. Yes? I thought so. And I'm so sorry to bother you outside of this Wal-Mart, but if you're a registered Georgia voter, could you sign this petition to get Prop 37 on the ballot in November? It will only take a moment of your time
  11. You must be from Hawaii, because you're a ho-aii
    In my experience, this has proven to be the single most effective pickup line on this list
  12. You must be from Idaho, because you're a potato
  13. You must be from Illinois, because I'llannoy you until you have sex with me just to get rid of me
  14. You must be from Indiana, because you're indie, and, uh...
  15. You must me be from Iowa, because I just asked you if you were from each of the other 49 states and you said no, but you also said you're American, so Iowa is the only remaining option. Actually, I guess I didn't ask about Washington DC
  16. You must be from Kansas, because you have nice cans and a nice ass
  17. You must be from Kentucky, because you're about to get Kentlucky. Hi, my name is Kent, can I buy a drink?
  18. You must be from Louisiana, because jamaican me horny
  19. You must be from Maine, because jamainecan me horny
  20. You must be from Maryland, because one day we will marry in a land
  21. You must be from Massachusetts, like B.J. Novak
  22. You must be from Michigan, because I want to squish it in
    This line is actually how my dad originally caught my mom's attention on the night they met. And she's not even from Michigan!
  23. You must be from Minnesota, because you're soaking wet for some reason and Minnesota has 10,000 lakes, so maybe it's because you just went swimming in one of those lakes. I have amnesia, by the way. Where am I? Are we in Minnesota? What is Minnesota? What is amnesia?
  24. You must be from Mississippi, because you have nice cans and a nice ass
  25. You must be from Missouri, because if you let me buy you a drink it will lead to a missourable evening
  26. You must be from Montana, because you have nice cans and a nice ass. If you let me buy you a drink, it will lead to a miserable evening
  27. You must be from Nebraska, because I wannebraska question: would you like a drink?
  28. You must be from Nevada, because I wannevada question: would you like a drink?
  29. You must be from New Hampshire, because I just got a new hamster. And I want you to have him. Please, just take him. I'll leave you alone if you just take him. I can't care for him. His name is Chester
  30. You must be from New Jersey, because you won't stop talking about how you're from New Jersey
  31. You must be from New Mexico, because we should have new sexico
  32. You must be from New York, because New York City is the only place on earth, so where else could you be from?
  33. You must be from North Carolina, because-- no? Hmmm, Georgia? Alabama? Uh, Iowa? Oh, really? Manitoba? I would never have pegged you as a Canadian
  34. You must be from North Dakota, because [start singing a song you made up called "Gotta Love Those North Dakota Ladies"]
  35. You must be from Ohio, because you're Congresswoman Joyce Beatty (D-Columbus)
  36. You must be from Oklahoma, then. So can I finally buy you a drink, now that I've solved your goddamn riddle?
  37. You must be from Oregon, because yoregonna have sex with me
  38. You must be from Pennsylvania, because my penis has the girth of a pencil. That's good, right? Is that good?
  39. You must be from Rhode Island, because I'd like to take you on a road to an island where you'll have sex with me and/or my friend Kent
  40. You must be from South Carolina, let's do sex
  41. You must be from South Dakota, because you're the faces of four U.S. presidents carved into a mountain
  42. You must be from Tennessee, because you're the only ten I see. The scale goes from one to a hundred. People from Tennessee are ugly, just like you
  43. You must be from Texas, because you're shaped like the state of Texas. You got a panhandle head, bitch!
  44. You must be from Utah, because you tall
  45. You must be from Vermont, because you said that the name of the state you are from is an Anglicized corruption of the French for "Green Mountain"
  46. You must be from Virginia, because you're a virgin, yeah? Wanna not be one anymore?
  47. You must be from Washington, because you're washing tin
  48. You must be from West Virginia, because you're the only three I see
  49. You must be from Wisconsin, because... I don't know, my friend Del thinks you're really pretty, but he's too nervous to come talk to you, so he made me do it. Anyways, I'm Kent
  50. You must be from Wyoming, because wyoming me horny