You will find these will come in handy, more often than not...
  1. "You say potato, I say vodka."
  2. "Hey, hey, hey. Come on! I know what guilt is. It's one of those touchy-feely words that people throw around that don't really mean anything. You know, like maternal or addiction. "
  3. "God didn't give me the ability to play the piano, or paint a picture or have compassion. But... he did give me the ability to crack a walnut with my hoo-ha."
  4. "By your inflection I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but... No."
  5. "Honey, I'm busy. Touch yourself."
  6. "Excuse me, lady, would you happen to have a breath mint? You do? Well, pop it in your mouth, woman. It's not doing any good in your purse!"
  7. "Honey, I don't look. I'm looked at."
  8. "I've got a fake laugh with your name on it."