I AM (PROBABLY)

  1. The smartest person living (born in the month of December, working as a writer, who’s crippled by Celiac Disease, who visited the West Hollywood Taco Bell last night between 10:45PM and 11:00PM).
  2. The fastest runner who’s ever ran (who is not a professional athlete, that has a medium-to-extreme fear of ghosts, whose name starts with the letter J and ends with N, born in Virginia Beach, VA, touching their nose right now).
  3. The most attractive man (who is black, but not African, with “workable” HTML knowledge, with a tattoo of the Apple shortcut for “saving” on his right forearm, with a father who served as a Naval Aviator, that has a TUMBLR account more than 4 years old).
  4. The richest person (who has spent four semesters at Syracuse University, who owns “Franny & Zooey” but currently has it loaned out, with three decks of Bicycle Playing Cards in their black book bag at this moment, that's been in my home).