1. Lactose intolerant.
    You ever hear of "bread"?
  2. Prone to non-cancerous growths in just about anywhere.
    Have you even been to Terroni? That's what I'm saying.
  3. Narcoleptic.
    Is an unplanned nap really worse than not being able to have pizza at 3AM? Or pizza just ever. Like, ever. Except Lucifers has really great GF pizza but how often can you wait an hour for delivery?
  4. A prisoner in some Vietnamese POW camp.
    Vietnamese noodles tend to be rice based and a lot of the sauces and curries are made without wheat thickeners.