QUITTING THE BACHELORETTE: A PLAN OF ACTION

This time I'm really going to do it!
  1. Read a recap after the east coast feed ends but before the west coast feed begins.
    If you already know what happens it will make it easier to turn off your tv. Think of it as nicorette gum. Baby steps.
  2. Take field trips to Ross Dress For Less
    To get your fill of gaudy evening and leisure wear. Not that you were ever watching it for the wardrobe anyway.
  3. Allow yourself to reminisce
    But only by clicking on articles titled "Bachelor Couples That Didn't Last" if you are going to romanticize something- it's important to remember the bad times too.
  4. Start a support group with Like minded people.
    Text each other before show time and tell each other the productive things we will do with our new found free time. Text each other after show time to confirm we actually did them. It's called Bookends, people. There is no I in accountability. Well, technically yes there is. But you get the fucking point.
  5. Avoid temptation by remembering who you're dealing with.
    You might find yourself thinking "but what if this one guy she's dating is actually different from the rest? How am I going to know if I don't watch?" He's not. Slap yourself out of it. If you still need help, close your eyes and picture any guy you've ever met at The Saddle Ranch on Sunset. That's exactly who she is dating. Problem Solved.
  6. Remind yourself this is only temporary
    A Neil Lang Engagement Ring featured on the Bachelor is just like an NFL Super Bowl Ring: a year from now it won't mean anything.